"Time flies so fast" is the common expression you would hear from a parent. Eventhough this is the case, I still can't learn my lessons on good parenting.
I feel the pursuit of perfect parenting is elusive. Most of the time, I find myself getting angrier and more stressed everyday. Clutter that needed to be picked up seems endless and catering for my children's needs are changing rapidly. As soon as I gotten used to a routine, it changes again after a month, especially with the twins.They are two babies with the same needs but different in different style for their different personalities.
There was not a day goes by without me flipping out. I would say my parenting is 20%cuddle and 80% guilt. My mother-in-law who stands as my mom reassures me that all mothers go through all the frustrations I had. Sometimes worst.
There were times I wished I could get a break from being a parent, for a day or two. But, the funny thing was, even on my breaks like going on a date with my hubby, my kids were always in my mind. I had to accept there's no break from being a parent.
I don't want to be that kind of parent who will tell all the reasons why not to have kids. I love my kids very much. I would drop everything I am doing for them. The joy they bring me outweighs my selfish pursuits.
Sometimes, I see mothers who makes bad decisions. It is very easy to judge a mom based on seen behavior, but its hard see the reasons how that behavior came about. It is hard to see them as moms who are trying their best
Stay-home-mom is not an easy job. Maybe, it is easy in a sense that I don't have to commute to do my work and I can do all my tasks in my pj's and robe. But even in the comfort of my home, I find myself unable to accomplished all my tasks. I seemed to be always busy but not finishing anything.
Chores and responsibilities are neverending. Sometimes, I want to get in touch with myself again chore free. I pick up a camera and start taking random photos of my kids in their simple state. I think spontaneous photo taking are the best. It tells a story. It captures a real memory. No staging and no set-up. I love taking beauty in simplicity. Minor imperfections gives character to make a masterpiece. Like my kids are not perfect in the eyes of many but they are perfect just the way they are.
Photo taking gives me a sense of focus. Very rare for someone like me. As soon as I peak on that scope, nothing else matters but my subject. I don't see chores or clutters around me, instead, I focus on the love in front of me, looking at me. Then, I am reminded the work I am doing wasn't in vain.
sincerely yours,
Castle Lemon
